Skip to main content

strange birds...


thanks to me-fi for making me aware of the annual parade of questionable jingoism that marks the "national costume" portion of the miss universe pageant. since i don't follow beauty pageants as a rule [or even as a general guideline], i wasn't familiar with this tradition, but i can tell you right now that i think that every single one of these needs to be available for mass consumption at h & m within the next two weeks, because this is obviously the future of fashion. seriously, this is how nations have chosen to be embodied in fabric adorning their most physically perfect specimens. this is how they want the world [or at least the part of it that still watches beauty pageants] to think of them.

and i, for one, feel like i have learned much, both from reviewing this year's entrants and from going back to find out how it compared to 2010.

for one thing, i believe that every bird in the western hemisphere south of the rio grande is now dead. or at least bald, because there is no way that removing that many feathers from the ecosystem can be offset. behold the wonders of the caribbean nations, central and south america, my friends:



 



BUT THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO LEARN ABOUT TRADITIONAL COSTUME...



i also had no idea that "mad max :: beyond thunderdome" was actually set in a traditional tanzanian village.



then again, i didn't know that "bitch i will cut you" was a mating call in venezuela. or ireland.



apparently, in spain, traditional garb involves wearing the old dust ruffles from your parents' matrimonial bed.



while in the czech republic, it is perfectly acceptable to rework oversize handbags into new dresses.



recycling has deep roots in lebanon.

2011
2010


s & m has deep roots in albania.



croatia is a nation of candy-stripers and slutty cheerleaders, which is probably why their tourism industry has really taken off.



all fabric in australia is limited to teensy-tiny squares which need to be sewn together...


borat was actually downplaying the weirdness of kazakhstan...




 it's hard to out-glitz the usa...

 

but it can be done...



and i felt it necessary to reveal the shocking news that lady gaga is apparently stealing from the wardrobes of nigerian women.



[although i suspect that nigeria is trying to recover from the humiliation of showing up tastefully and appropriately dressed for the affair in 2010. likewise, india and norway aren't even represented in 2011 because they just seemed to be mocking the proceedings by being understated last year.]

a propos to that last note, count on sri lanka being given the boot in 2012...

your good taste will not go unpunished


i'd also like to congratulate my own country for managing to come up with the one costume that actually seems to have offended people. 

way to go, white chick


i hope that you've enjoyed this "one world" educational experience just as much as i have and that you've learned a little more about how your foremothers dressed in daily life in the old country. feel free to investigate this annual phenomenon more closely:

2011
2010 [part 1 & part 2]

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

eat the pain away?

nearly twenty years ago, an emergency room doctor took a look at the crushing muscle tension i was experiencing [they were clenched enough that a doctor at my regular clinic couldn't get a reflex reaction on my left side and thought i might be having a stroke] and told me she believed that i had fibromyalgia. a couple of weeks later, i went to see a family doctor that a coworker had recommended to me. when i told him what the other doctor had said, he snapped that i was being ridiculous, because, if i'd had fibromyalgia, "i wouldn't be able to move". after i moved to toronto, i got a new family doctor and told her what the other doctors had said. she said that she couldn't be sure, but it was better just to deal with any symptoms i had one at a time. then i came back to montreal and got a new family doctor, who didn't really buy into the whole idea of fibromyalgia and said there was no way to do any definitive test anyway. that doctor passed away, and my …

long suffering

i've been meaning to write this post for a while, but, every time i get started, something happens that makes me rethink portions of it, to add or subtract or consider a different way of looking at things. the post was originally going to be my take on a #metoo statement, but i ended up making that post on my personal facebook page. [it's not that i don't love you all, but there are a few things i'm not comfortable putting in the entirely public sphere.] but beyond joining the #metoo juggernaut, i wanted to write something about the wave of sexual assault revelations that continues to swell over the north american media landscape that wasn't about me. then i realised that that was a little more complicated than just writing "so, lotta sex rapes happenin' these days, ain't there?" or whatever it was that i was going to say.

so i tried writing something about just a part of it: the media coverage or the entertainment industry or the politicians or …