Skip to main content

strange birds...


thanks to me-fi for making me aware of the annual parade of questionable jingoism that marks the "national costume" portion of the miss universe pageant. since i don't follow beauty pageants as a rule [or even as a general guideline], i wasn't familiar with this tradition, but i can tell you right now that i think that every single one of these needs to be available for mass consumption at h & m within the next two weeks, because this is obviously the future of fashion. seriously, this is how nations have chosen to be embodied in fabric adorning their most physically perfect specimens. this is how they want the world [or at least the part of it that still watches beauty pageants] to think of them.

and i, for one, feel like i have learned much, both from reviewing this year's entrants and from going back to find out how it compared to 2010.

for one thing, i believe that every bird in the western hemisphere south of the rio grande is now dead. or at least bald, because there is no way that removing that many feathers from the ecosystem can be offset. behold the wonders of the caribbean nations, central and south america, my friends:



 



BUT THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO LEARN ABOUT TRADITIONAL COSTUME...



i also had no idea that "mad max :: beyond thunderdome" was actually set in a traditional tanzanian village.



then again, i didn't know that "bitch i will cut you" was a mating call in venezuela. or ireland.



apparently, in spain, traditional garb involves wearing the old dust ruffles from your parents' matrimonial bed.



while in the czech republic, it is perfectly acceptable to rework oversize handbags into new dresses.



recycling has deep roots in lebanon.

2011
2010


s & m has deep roots in albania.



croatia is a nation of candy-stripers and slutty cheerleaders, which is probably why their tourism industry has really taken off.



all fabric in australia is limited to teensy-tiny squares which need to be sewn together...


borat was actually downplaying the weirdness of kazakhstan...




 it's hard to out-glitz the usa...

 

but it can be done...



and i felt it necessary to reveal the shocking news that lady gaga is apparently stealing from the wardrobes of nigerian women.



[although i suspect that nigeria is trying to recover from the humiliation of showing up tastefully and appropriately dressed for the affair in 2010. likewise, india and norway aren't even represented in 2011 because they just seemed to be mocking the proceedings by being understated last year.]

a propos to that last note, count on sri lanka being given the boot in 2012...

your good taste will not go unpunished


i'd also like to congratulate my own country for managing to come up with the one costume that actually seems to have offended people. 

way to go, white chick


i hope that you've enjoyed this "one world" educational experience just as much as i have and that you've learned a little more about how your foremothers dressed in daily life in the old country. feel free to investigate this annual phenomenon more closely:

2011
2010 [part 1 & part 2]

Comments

as long as you're here, why not read more?

jihadvertising?

i keep seeing this ad for tictac candies:



am i the only one who finds the suicide bomber clown at the end a little unnerving? all the nice natural things like the bunny and the [extinct] woolly mammoth and the fruit get devoured by a trying-to-appear-nonthreatening-but-obviously-psychotic clown who then blows himself up. congratulations, tictac, i think this ad has landed you on about a dozen watch lists.

oh and by the way, showing me that your product will somehow cause my stomach to explode in a rainbow of wtf makes me believe that doing consuming tictacs would be a worse dietary decision than the time i ate two raw eggs and a half a bottle of hot sauce on a dare.

making faces :: hot stuff, comin' through

i don't even know what to say about the weather. the end of september saw temperatures at a scalding 36c/ 97f outside. this is especially annoying because we've had a moderate summer. most days it rained a little in the morning, the temperatures didn't creep into the 30s too often and there wasn't the normal stretch of a few weeks when it felt like we were living on the sun. now, we've receded into more normal fall weather, although it's still on the warm side for mid-october. that climate change thing is a bitch.

trying to think of something positive in the situation, it does put me in a perfect frame of mind to write about urban decay's naked heat palette. it's the latest in what appears to be an endless series of warm neutral and red eyeshadow palettes that have followed in the footsteps of anastasia's modern renaissance. [which i ultimately decided i didn't need after doing a thorough search of my considerable stash.] i do think that it'…

i agree, smedley [or, smokers totally saved our planet in 1983]

so this conversation happened [via text, so i have evidence and possibly so does the canadian government and the nsa].

dom and i were trying to settle our mutual nerves about tomorrow night's conversion screening, remembering that we've made a fine little film that people should see. which is just about exactly what dom had said when i responded thusly:

me :: i agree smedley. [pauses for a moment] did you get that here?

dom :: no?

me :: the aliens who were looking at earth and then decided it wasn't worth bothering with because people smoked even though it was bad for them?
come to think of it, that might mean that smokers prevented an alien invasion in the seventies.

dom :: what ?!?!?

me :: i've had wine and very little food. [pause] but the alien thing was real. [pause.] well, real on tv.

dom :: please eat something.

of course, i was wrong. the ad in question ran in 1983. this is the part where i would triumphantly embed the ad from youtube, except that the governmen…